testing waters..

four unposted draft blogs and a lot of cluttered words in my mind, waiting to escape. many times i'd clicked on the 'Post Blog' button only to gave up halfway.and i just have no idea why. the closest i can offer an explanation is, i've lost my mojo, my muse, my whateverchamacallit. in the early days after arique passed away, i felt guilty that i was even attempting to be online again to share about what was happening in my life without him. and then the longer i stayed away, the inclination to blog became further and further away.

maaaaaaaaany things have happened between then and now. and many things have change too. its hard to explain it properly but i know that i am no longer the same person as i was before. my priorities have change, feelings have change, so does interest. maybe its due to the fact that my eyes have been opened wide to things that i did not see, or chose not to see in the past. tragedies have a way of doing that, i guess.

anyway

7 more days to two-thousand-and-ten. another year begins. with it comes a whole new set of new beginnings and new expectations. again, with God's will, i will be a mom to a school-going tot. my strawberry shortcake will start playschool at Zulfa next year. bittersweet for me. they have moved to a new premise and with it, all the memories [however little of it that i have] associated with arique at the old premise is gone. bitter because its yet another [physical] memory of him that's gone. and sweet maybe because well, its just another of life's little ways to make me cope better. i have this feeling that [hopefully, maybe, could be] eqa will be adjusting pretty well to school. we'll see.

baby boy is growing up pretty too fast for my liking. just one month ago, i just saw him learnt how to turn over. now he's already moving forward commando-style and working his arm muscles by reaching out for things on the table - FROM the floor. damn manja. but i like.

im also counting down to seven more days, for Mak to come back. yes, she has done her suka-suka-hati-lari-dari-rumah stunt [aka Haj]. ok lah Mak sorry i was kidding i love you. i miss you. please come back. the past one month i've been doing the desperate housewife thing at home. but im tired of it. cant wait to pass back the [cooking] baton to Mak. ive learnt quite a few things this past month though:

one: the internet is a treasure trove when it comes to recipes. now, when the mum threatened, 'kalao kao tak blajar masak skarang, nanti kalau mak dah takda kalau kao tak tahu masak, kao nak menangis depan kubur mak ke mintak resipi?' - i have the perfect answer to that: 'boleh check kat internet la makkkkk'

two: still in the thoughts of cooking, ayam lemak cili padi does not need sugar in the recipe. FAIL.

three: do not attempt to do the laundry when one or more kids are crying for your attention

four: you dont open a packet of washing powder with your teeth.

five: washing powder tastes.....weird

happy new year one and all.